There are several different versions Hindu weddings that differ from one another not only from country to country, but city to city, village to village, caste to caste, and even sub-caste to sub-caste. Depending on which deities are highly esteemed, which traditions and values the culture holds, which customs and rituals have been passed down for generations, and who is getting married to whom, witnessing one Hindu wedding is not the same as witnessing them all.
Below is a program from my sister's wedding who is actually a recent newlywed. The symbolism and the significance behind the rituals performed throughout the ceremony are explained in the program so that guests who had never attended any form of Hindu wedding could extract meaning out of it and not be bored to death. The way in which everything is laid out makes it appear as though the bride and groom are regarded as equals and are expected to respect each other and live out their lives as husband and wife in a balanced marriage that does not place one higher than the other. Knowing my sister and brother-in-law, I can say with great confidence that the nature of the marriage is definitely one in which the concept of equal devotion, love, respect, etc. that is stressed in the wedding rituals plays out in reality. However, I cannot say the same is true for many other married couples, especially those who are of older generations. When it actually comes down to it, there is greater sacrifice, compassion, and understanding expected out of the women than the men when it comes to choices and decisions made on behalf of the marriage or household. Apart from just differences in household chores, there are several other differences in capabilities and privileges between a husband and wife. So it's interesting how rituals that explicitly encourage one thing do not get carried over into the actual reality of the situation once the ceremony is over.
I think that like all traditions, customs, rituals, and practices of a particular culture, the ones that I have discussed stem from a long history and practice of Hindu customs and patriarchal influences.To me, after initial reflection of these practices it seemed that they were very paradoxical in nature in terms of the dissonance in the messages that they appear to be encouraging versus what actually happens in reality. I had never questioned my cultural practices. I have always just gone with the flow. This project has helped me realize the importance of questioning my experiences and understanding the meanings behind what I have done or gone through. It is not to say that if you dig deep enough, you'll find that every ritual your parents have ever put you through had alternate motives and meanings that were completely negative and not in your favor. It is also not to say that if that actually is the conclusion you reach after reflecting and researching, that it is necessary to immediately point fingers, designate bad guys, and renounce everything you and your family have ever known and practiced. Rather, knowing the significance behind these things not only informs you of your culture and background but also gives you the advantage of not letting these unknowns turn into a form of your own subordination or subjugation.
Self-empowerment through knowledge.
That is the ultimate goal.
