Everything has to be perfect.
So we practice by playing dress up in front of the mirror and trying on the over-sized attire of our maternal figures. We drive them crazy by smearing their expensive rose lipstick all over our faces and scuffing up their best party shoes as our 3-footed selves try to find equilibrium in 5-inch heels. And then we prance around the house dancing with our imaginary but totally gorgeous Prince Charming. It's not everyday a girl gets to be all dolled up with the spotlight on her at all times. It only happens once in a lifetime for crying out loud!--or so we are told anyway. If you're like me, you go through this whole wedding process not once. Not twice. But THREE times. Don't worry. I'm not planning on having two failed marriages. Who wants to pay for a divorce let alone two? Whew.I come from a culture in which a girl goes through three weddings in her lifetime. The inhabitants of Kathmandu, Nepal are frequently referred to as the "valley people" or Newars as their aboriginal name. Newars are one of the many groups of people in Nepal who have their own unique language and customs that are distinct from other ethnic groups in the country. One of the ways that Newars distinguish themselves from other peoples is through the performance of two rituals called Ihi and Barah, the first two marriages. These rituals address two critical junctures in the lives of women, in particular those which must dramatically involve their sexuality and their relation with men. While Ihi and Barah reflect the influence of Hindu patriarchal responses to widowhood and menarche respectively, they also provide a ritual embodiment of a distinctly Newari attitude toward women.
The only question is: what kind of attitude is that?
After extensive research on this topic in conjunction with deep contemplation and reflection on my personal experiences as a Newari girl who has gone through Ihi and Barah, I have landed on the theory that although these rituals celebrate womanhood and the coming of age, they are paradoxical in nature in that they seem to glorify young girls during these ceremonies while simultaneously reflect the negative attitudes held toward women in terms of widowhood and menstruation. Apart from a personal connection to the topic, I feel that this is one that is important to explore because girls and women who undergo such rituals should understand the meanings behind them. These rituals have a significant place among the lives of Newari women. As such, I would like to understand if these practices and rituals are in place to protect Newari women and uphold their sanctity or to place them in an even more disadvantaged social status than that of their male counterparts.
I invite you to join me on this journey of self-reflection in which I will explore these rituals and other related practices of Newari culture with a critical lens using a mixture of personal accounts as well as scholarly sources. Enjoy!
